The Post-Soviet Chronicles Part 5: Moscow Part 1 -- It Wasn't Me!

Okay okay okay. I'm the worst. I really have been inconsistent with this blogging thing. I've just found that life here has gotten pretty... normal. Nothing I do/see anymore seems all that strange/different so it seems silly to blog. But going to Moscow? That's pretty epic. I probably should have been a little more prompt on blogging about that. So without further ado, I present to you the first in a series of two blogs on my travel to Moscow, Russia.

Hey, look! It's that famous church in Russia that everyone thinks of when they think of Moscow!

Northeast for the holidays

The irony of the English transliteration of Garm is that garm in Tajik/Farsi means 'warm'. For the record, the actually pronunciation of Garm is more of a guttural gharm-- which does not, in fact, have the same meaning. Garm is actually quite colder, as it is at a higher altitude and further north than Dushanbe.

The Post-Soviet Chronicles Part 4: Almaty, Kazakhstan

After a short stint, we return to the post-soviet chronicles and review Almaty, Kazakhstan.

Previous editions can be found here, here, and here.

Pronunciation

Good luck. No, but seriously... the English pronunciation is super easy and it's said exactly as it looks (Al-mot-e). Unfortunately for us, no one seems to understand when you say Almaty in the English pronunciation. They simply look at you oddly and wonder what you could be possibly talking about. So here are the variants on pronunciation I encountered there and in Tajikistan:

Kazakhs pronouncing it in Kazakh: Almatiye (Al-mot-e-a)

Russians pronouncing it in Russian: Almat?? (Al-mot-*choke on your tongue*) 

Some Tajiks pronouncing it in Russian: Almato (Al-mot-o)

Strange how one city's name could be pronounced so many different ways. Or not pronounced. Or whatever.

So, like, Almaty is... where again?

It's Almaty-- and then some! (Click to enlarge)

Is 4 meters enough?

My quest of late has been trying to become a real person in life. The list is long, and surprisingly more difficult than you'd imagine, especially when you're living la vida broke. I wanted to share with you the recent things I've accomplished (no small victories, I assure you) and some of those goals still on my list.

Recent Successes 

1) Bought a shower curtain. I guess this is technically a "kind of" success. I should start by saying that there are a number of bazaars in the city and a number of them way the heck outside the city. Well I did not find a shower curtain at the bazaar five minutes from my house, nor at the bazaar five minutes from my work. This meant that I had to go to one of the dreaded bazaars way outside the city. Horrible. So I finally managed to get to one and I found shower curtains. 

I remember arguing with myself beforehand and saying "you should measure, just so you make sure you don't get something too short." But that entailed a whole other issue-- what the heck was I going to measure with?! So I gauged it up and the salesmen at the bazaar proceeded to tell me that this shower curtain bar (you know the thing that holds up the curtain) goes up to 4 meters! Okay. Sure. Sounds like enough to me. 

Except it wasn't. Or rather it was too much. Turns out my shower must be incredibly undersized because I had up beat the bar into place with my fancy tool (the "hand hammer") and even now it's slightly askew and immovable one way or the other. 

At least now I'm not spraying water all over the bathroom when I shower...?

The Snickers Shortage

MAYHEM! PANIC! HORROR IN THE STREETS OF DUSHANBE!

It all started last week when I went to get a Snickers. As many of my Dushanbe friends already know, Snickers is part of my insanely healthy diet in Tajikistan. Often times, it provides me my only nutrition for the day (forgetting to eat happens to me more than you'd believe...). Well imagine my surprise when I went to my local store and they had no Snickers. This place usually has a full wall of the stuff-- now; zero! What the heck?!

So then I go to another store maybe the next day and again; no Snickers. So I confront the store owner (it was a much smaller/family operated store) and he seemed to have mentioned something about one of the suppliers no longer bringing them in. Now, I wasn't so sure I understood so I just chalked it up as inconvenience... well that is until yesterday.

Livin' La Vida Broke

I figure I need to get this blog post out before my bank account has something more than $4 in it (thanks mom!) so I wanted to dedicate this post to livin' the broke life in Dushanbe (which has been my last week or so).

1) Mumkin ast? (Is it possible) This is what you will find yourself asking while simultaneously apologizing as you hand your poor marshrutka driver thirty 10-diram (think cents) coins. 

2) Take your bubblegum and put it where... err. Common practice in Tajik stores (and I mean little family shops, medium sized stores, and chain supermarkets) is to give bubblegum sticks or teabags as change. So for example if  my bill is 4 somoni and 70 diram, giving a 5 somoni bill will result in a stuck of bubblegum for change. Needless to say, I've had to pester the cashiers at a few stores for my dirams instead of bubblegum.

3) Hey bacha, diram te! (Hey kid, give me my diram!) As previously discussed, all buses in Dushanbe are equipped with a small Tajik boy (#8 in the 'Getting Around...' section). The price for buses is technically 60 diram, but everyone pays 1 somoni usually. You can usually get your 40 diram from the bus-bacha if you tell him to give it you though.

The Post-Soviet Chronicles Part 3": Three Inches of Snow in Dushanbe

Read part 1 here and part 2 here. Totally fascinating reads, I promise. 

Part 3" begins in Dushanbe with the thirteenth chapter of my Tajik visa drama. The details are largely unimportant because, whatever, but this chapter ends with me having to leave the Tajik borders and travel to another Tajik consulate/embassy to get a visa. The easiest/most obvious choice for an American is Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan because, well, no visa... but the Tajik government said that I can't get a visa from there right now, for whatever reason. So, the next few choices were Dubai, Istanbul, or Almaty (Kazakhstan).

Kazakhstan? Why Not!

Getting a visa to Kazakhstan was the next big hoop I had to jump through. Luckily there is a Kazakh embassy in Dushanbe, and thanks to some knowledgeable friends I found the embassy pretty painlessly.

Unfortunately, the embassy operates on an apparently very strict schedule. They accept documents only on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 9am until 12pm, and then give visas on the same days from 3pm to 5pm. I of course arrived at the Kazakh embassy with all necessary documents on a Tuesday at 3pm where they politely told me I could wait until Thursday morning to submit my documents, and it would then take 3-5 working days to provide the visa if my application was accepted.

So, keep in mind that if I wanted to not stay in Tajikistan illegally I pretty much had to fly out on the following Monday (six days away). Obviously I was a little concerned about this Kazakh visa process. The following Thursday morning I arrived and luckily there was a consular officer there who spoke some (but not really all that much) English. I explained to him the situation and asked if there was anyway I could get the visa by Friday (the next day). He said he would try his best, and with that told me to return Friday morning.

On Friday morning, to my pleasant surprise, the same gentlemen let me know that I could get my visa that day so long as I went and paid the visa/consular fee at the Kazakh bank. After some searching, I found the bank, paid it off, and got my visa as soon as I returned to the Kazakh embassy. I was feeling pretty excited, but deep down I knew that it went a little too smoothly...

The Post-Soviet Chronicles Part 2: Lviv, Ukraine

Check out Part 1 here!

Pronouncing Lviv

Look, I know what you're thinking. L and v are two consonants, and there must be a vowel in between them. Otherwise what the heck is that sound?! Slavic language 101: they will make the strangest and most impossible combinations of consonants ALL THE TIME. What I find so strange is that the way they pronounce Lv sounds as if you're saying the word "live" (as in "live, damn you! live!") but as short as you possible can. So remind me again why there's no vowel there? Liv is really how we should transliterate that but whatever....

Now the most confusing part is that Lviv is not pronounced "Liv-eve", but it is actually pronounced "Liv-ohv". Now take a second to wrap your head around that one. Whatttttt?

So now that we know how to pronounce Livohv, let's talk about getting there.

The Post-Soviet Chronicles Part 1: Kyiv, Ukraine

I have been atrociously bad at blogging these last few months, and so I made a late New Year's Revolution (read: I'm bored in my hotel room in Almaty) to blog more for you all. I decided to start with a series on my recent Post-Soviet travels to Ukraine and Kazakhstan, with some fun Tajikistan adventures in the middle. And so, without further adieu, part one...

Kyiv, not Kiev-- if you've got some free time, this is a great read

Ukraine is cold. The temperature says one thing (4-5 degrees farenheiht maybe) but your body tells you something completely different. BITING cold. Wow it was chilly. Super icey and snowy too. It's no wonder Ukrainian people were not very nice-- how could they be when they have to *live* in that cold.

But seriously Ukraine was interesting. My non-existing Russian moved slightly closer to being existent and I navigated the metro system all on my own once (yay for metros being pretty much the same worldwide!). "Hryvnia" is the currency in Ukraine, and before you even try to pronounce it let me tell you it's pronounced completely differently. Ready? "Greev-na". What?! Anyways the exchange rate was about 1 USD to 8.5 Greevna and prices were generally pretty low. The stuff also looked/felt like monopoly money. 

One of the world's deepest metro's at the Arsenalna Station in Kyiv

Have you ever actually seen/eaten a pomegranate?

Didn't think so.

The whole conversation started when I was at Baha's house for his birthday on Wednesday. On the table was a fruit I hadn't seen before. It almost looked like a red onion. I asked what it was, and as usual, the only word they could muster up was the Russian word.

Which of course was a Russianized pronounciation of grenade.

Grenade. Well I can't use a translator for that!

So eventually I got Baha to cut one open and it turns out it's the strangest fruit I've ever seen in my life. Super tasty, yes. But weird.

Take a look:

The inside walls of the fruit are lined with squishy red kernels (yes, like corn kernel). You pick them out and eat them. I wasn't sure if there were seeds, because the inside was a little hard but it would literally dissolve in your mouth relatively fast.

Anyways. First experience with a pomegranate. Maybe I'm the only person who didn't know they were like this- you can mock me if this is the case.

Otherwise I'm sure you're dying to know the Persian word for pomegranate, so I'll stop torturing you. 

It's anar.

I Might Be Eating Russian Ramen for the Foreseeable Future

Yeah so we know I'm not the best cook in the world. Couple that with being in this country and I may be in more trouble than I thought!

I went shopping today. The major plus was that the people at the checkout line really loved my reusable Chicago Cubs' bags (thanks mom!). The major minus was... well a lot!

You know what makes a bad chef worse? Having to read names of things or instructions in a language you don't understand (by the way that's Russian, in case you haven't read any of my other blogs).

So this should be fun. I managed to purchase a lot of pasta only to realize I have no idea what I'm going to put on top of it. Is tomato paste the same as pasta sauce? Because the pasta sauce I found was OUT OF THIS WORLD expensive. 

So the good news is I can buy a bunch of Russian knock-off Ramen-ish noodles for like under a dollar each. I'll let you know how those taste when I manage to figure out how to make them.

I know I've been a bad blogger, as this is my first post since arriving Monday, but I can assure you the only thing I've done is sleep and run around the city in an attempt to get my in-country registration complete.

Hopefully I can figure this food thing out soon. Maybe I'll ask one of the Iranians I know here to teach me how to cook Iranian food! 

(I don't think I'll be asking my Tajik friends, no offense!)

Anyways. Aside from my inability to cook, everything is going really well. The people in the international office who I have been working with are fantastic, and I can't wait to finally get started!

Worst Blogger Ever? Birthday Special

Hey everyone. Horribly sorry that I'm apparently the worst blogger ever. I haven't had any great ideas for posts and I keep postponing posts for the next day... BUT today I'll actually grace you alI with some of my writing/rambling.

Anyways. As some of you may know, I turned 22 last Wednesday (July 31st). So far I'd have to say that the age of 22 is pretty unexciting... I can't do anything that I couldn't do last year!

The morning was the best morning I've had here- mostly thanks to a card shaped like a toilet from my mom and orange juice. yes. orange juice. I scoured the city the day before to find orange juice, because I really just wanted to wake up on my birthday and drink OJ. Let me tell you, it was the best decision I've made here! 

The day was pretty dull and miserably hot (more on that later). The class I teach English to sang happy birthday for me, so that was cool. And I got to tell everyone that we were doing what I wanted because it was my birthday. That was cool too.

To Salt City!

Sorry for the long delay in posts. Last week was a series of midterms (4 to be exact) and I really just didn't have time to post. Or for that matter, anything really interesting to post.

But it's all worth it! Because this weekend me and two friends (Nick and Eric) went south to a city called Shahrtus. It was super hot but totally worth it...

*Interesting note on the name of the city. Apparently Shahrtus has a big salt mine, and so it's name comes from this. 'Shahr' means city and 'tus' is one way to say salt. So. Salt City. Cool huh?

We had initially hoped to go to Takte Sangin, which is on the border of Afghanistan and Tajikistan. It is a well known location and apparently really cool, but unfortunately we couldn't secure permission to travel there from the local military. One of the program's local contacts (who is AWESOME) recommended Shahrtus if we still wanted to go south. He also offered to negotiate our way down there.

Luckily for us, he has a friend who lives in Shartus. For a nominal fee, his friend drove 3-4 hours to pick us up to Dushanbe, drive back, let us stay at his house, provide us dinner and breakfast, then give us a guided tour of a number of sites in Shartus, and finally drive us back to the city. Worth. Every. Penny.

Here's a map of where we went- (the blue dot is me in Dushanbe and the red marker is where we went. Shahrtus is about 50km (30mi) north of the Afghan border. 

'Live Tweeting' a Day in the Dush

After discussing with some friends (Joe and Eric- whose blogs are conveniently located on the right), I came up with an idea to "live tweet" a day in the life in Dushanbe. Accordingly I went through my day and recorded a few things that happen (and that happen regularly). For those of my readers who aren't familiar with twitter (grandma, I'm talking about you) I recommend reading up on the basics.

Anyways, the live tweeting includes time stamps and all tweets are within the 140 character limit. Those of you that follow me on twitter as well may recognize a few of these tweets. Enjoy! :)

Oh yeah also you should know what Candy Crush is.

6:50am

Nothing like waking up to the sound's of your family's pet prehistoric-bird. Seriously; pterodactyl + chicken = this thing 

7:00am

Bathroom time in the US: >5 minutes

Bathroom time in Tajikistan: <5 minutes

#OneOfThoseDays #JKEveryday

7:05am

WATER PRESSURE WOULD BE GREAT. #ItsLikeALightDrizzle

7:34am

Rapid succession police sirens down Rudaki Ave. No worries, just the taxi driving gang with their after-market [legal] sirens #GoodMorning

7:40am

Twenty minutes for breakfast AKA twenty minutes spent waiting for my tea to cool down #Sweatin

8:00am

All I can think while brushing my teeth is "don't swallow the water, don't swallow the water" #SickForDays

8:10am

Why does this one stretch of my daily walk ALWAYS smell like feces? #HoldinMyNose

8:11am

The crosswalk which gives me a green light to cross for 10 seconds and no one stops #DeadmanWalkin

8:23am

The daily struggle to ask for water WITHOUT gas continues 

8:30am

The hottest classroom (with air conditioning) award goes to... #Drumroll

8:30am

MY CLASSROOM. I get to sit in this stagnant room for the next four hours and SWEAT

8:35am

Already soaked. #SexyAndIKnowIt

9:20am

Break! Candy Crush time.

9:23am

I have a ten minute break and my teacher keeps talking to me <<<<<<<

#LeaveMeBe #BrainBreakRequired

9:30am

Now that the "break" has concluded... on to some story I absolutely do not understand. 

10:00am

Legitimately think that story is in a language other than Persian #TryAgainProfessor 

10:19am

Breakkkkkkkk. Going to the "Wild Dragon Shack" for a bag of chips and a snickers... All for a dollar. 

10:31am

Sorry prof, don't mind while I just sit here and chomp on my chips super loudly #NomNom

11:04am

Tajik is seriously like another language. It is NOT Iranian Farsi lol #CyrillicBeLikeHuh

11:21am

So hungry. Need food. One more hour.

11:28am

FINALLY BEAT THIS LEVEL ON CANDY CRUSH #CandyCrushinForDays

11:49am

When you're sitting in class talking about how to say all kinds of fruits in Tajik AND YOU'RE STARVING #ThatStuffIDontLike

12:20pm

Lunchhhhhhh nowwwwww.

12:21pm 

And so commences the daily debate: sketchy (and cheap) Russian cafe or the Iranian restaurant. 

12:27pm

Justice prevails! Onward to the tasty Iranian food (Paniz).

12:37pm

Waiting for the bus means telling 27 mashrutkas that you're waiting for the bus #TheHustle

12:43pm

We're on the bus with the air freshener! If only there was more than one and it wasn't 110 out... #StinkSession

12:50pm

Paniz! Paniz! Paniz! 

12:51pm

Tajik waitresses that don't speak Iranian Farsi at the Iranian restaurant #RiddleMeThat 

1:10pm

Stuffed. God I love Iranian food.

1:12pm

We always say we want to "do something" but then we walk outside and we're like... Lets go to the place with air conditioning #TajikProblems

1:15pm

REVISION: we have decided to go to the bazaar.

1:17pm 

We put our hand out on the side of the road and every single car pulled over and tried to pick us up. #MashrutkaTime

1:36pm

How many people do you think the driver is going to pick up?

1:45pm

Answer: 19. 19 people. In a van. No air conditioning. Where do I even go?

1:57pm 

Bazaar!!!! :)

2:20pm

Bazaar!

2:42pm

Bazaar...

3:03pm

Bazaar :( let's go. I'm as wet as the ocean and I'm in the middle of a desert. 

3:10pm 

Mashrutka number two of the day. Lets play #GuessHowManyPeopleCanWeFit!

3:19pm

This bridge looks like it's under construction... Traffic narrowed down to one lane each way.

3:19pm

UPDATE: Traffic limited to one lane ONE way... And guess what?? It's not the way we're going 

3:20pm

Whelp. Crossed the bridge. That was my #LifeFlashedBeforeMyEyes moment of the day... 

3:34pm

No I don't speak Russian, but thanks for assuming I do #EveryoneInThisCountry

3:35pm

Ahhhh the daily lecture from random Tajiks about the greatness of the Russian language, how useful,  important it is, etc.

3:37pm

No, I still don't speak Russian. 

3:45pm

Safely out of the car! I would kiss the ground right now if it wasn't full of trash #TajikProblems

3:57pm

Bahahah @JoeCalder fell in the joo!

4:03pm

Two words: air conditioning.

4:44pm

The need to go to the squatty potty can sneak up on one very fast #TajikProblems

4:46pm

Good thing someone left their homework here; I forgot my toilet paper.

5:30pm

Home! Predinner nap!

6:30pm

Anyone awake? I need some help on #CandyCrush

7:00pm

Doing Persian homework after doing Persian class and Persian speaking all day is frustrating. #BrokenBrain

7:40pm

Tajik TV, tho.

7:45pm

Bibijon just asked me why I wasn't married (again). Oh Bibijon... #IfOnlyYouKnew

8:00pm

That time of day when the city is breaking fast. In other words, DEAD SILENT all across the city. #NomNom

8:20pm

The silence only broken by my host brother and father arguing. Daily occurrence, nothing to worry about here folks.

8:40pm

Dinner wrapping up...

8:42pm

...false alarm more food has just arrived!

9:04pm

Host family is really concerned that I don't eat enough. They are easily the only people that think that. #FatKid

9:10pm

My daily argument with my host mom. She refuses to let me even take my dishes into the kitchen. It's no big deal- I have hands! 

9:23pm

Teaching my host brother and the neighbor how to play Rummy!

9:25pm

This isn't going well.

9:30pm

Okay... Rummy unsuccessful. Guess we'll play that Russian card game that they love so much. 

9:31pm

It's called like Kaldrogo or something. Never really sure what's happening in it. #IDontSpeakRussian

9:40pm

I won?! I think the kids I'm playing with are just as surprised as me! 

9:50pm

Fruit plate! Wahoooooooo

10:30pm

Goodnight Twitter, I'm going to bed! 

10:50pm

Cantttttt sleeeeeppppp

11:04pm

So hot. 

11:30pm

Haha this is amazing [RandomLinkHere]

11:45pm

Seriously I need to go to sleep.

11:46pm

Looks like it's supposed to cool down tomorrow- only 105! 

12:00am

I love that there's a hot water heater right next to the toilet! #SaidNoOneEver

12:06am

Immodium: my best friend in Tajikistan #TajikLife

12:15am

Either I'm hallucinating or there's a small earthquake occurring. 

12:35am

Why am I still awake?